As we approach the summer months, many families are planning vacations. In most major cities, that includes an opportunity to visit a historic site or memorial that has a racialized component. A civil rights museum, confederate battlefield or plantation, or the new memorial in Montgomery can all be excellent places to take children to expand their understanding of our country’s violent past, but it can also be challenging to know how best to prepare your children from the outing. Here’s some guidance on how to engage with your tiny-teen bridge builder.

1) The Information Should Not Be New.

When you are walking through a museum, the information they are taking in should be building on their current understanding, not presenting completely new concepts.  If you are at the lynching memorial, they should already have an understanding of what lynching was and why it happened.  Without enough background information, the violent imagery and information will be confusing and disconnected for a child.  Start young with kids explaining the history of our country without white-washing or romanticizing.

For children of color, make sure they are well aware of both the struggle AND the rising above.  Their ancestors were not passive victims, but rather fought, changed systems, showed ingenuity and stamina that are worthy to be emulated.

For White children, do not shy away from helping them see the ways Whiteness was used to subjugate people groups in the past and into the current time.  Help them see the way their skin color has been used to abuse others.  But in that, do not paint Whiteness as though the only expression has to be that of victimizer.  Give them concrete examples of people from history who have chosen to express being White by dismantling White supremacy and fighting for justice.

2) Verbally Process Before and After

Have very specific, intentional conversations both before and after.  Beforehand, remind them of knowledge they already have about what they will be viewing.  Tell them about what you know, what you are feeling, and how you are personally preparing yourself.  Afterward, give them time to verbally process what they saw.  Ask them questions about specific aspects of the exhibits rather than, “what did you think?” so you can get more concrete answers from them.  If you find yourself still thinking about the experience in the weeks or months that follow, bring it up again with them.  If you are thinking about it, they may be too.  This helps them know its safe to continue to process.

Cassandra, a mom of seven, speaks of how she prepared her children to visit a Black History Museum, “We are going to see moments from our history that would have otherwise been erased if museums like this weren’t around. Even the difficult parts, like slavery, may be on display and it’s ok if you feel angry or sad. These were horrible parts of our history and those feelings are expected. I still get angry sometimes. But we have to know about the difficult parts so we can appreciate how far we have come and how much we have endured as a people. We can wrestle with the feelings of our past, live in the present and look with hope to our future because history has taught us how to do so with strength and dignity.”

3) Talk About Appropriate Responses

Kids are well known for their lack of a filter.  If conversations about race are common in your home, you will be much less likely to have a child blurt out something offensive or insensitive, but there’s really no guarantee.  Prepare them in advance that if they have a question, asking you quietly is appropriate.  Let them know how they should respond to strangers who are upset or angry.  If they are old enough to write, give them a notebook so they can write down their thoughts and observations to talk about when you aren’t around others.  If it is a memorial, be very specific about inappropriate behavior such as running, yelling, laughing, etc.

4) Go

It may seem easier to avoid the experience, or deem our children too young or immature.  Go anyway. By going you are equipping your child to see history as not just a story about the past, but a lived experience by many.  You are giving them both historical and emotional intelligence by allowing them to engage history in this manner.